In light of this article, which was in response to this post, I feel the time has come for me to issue a public apology to Dashcon for the extra room charges I incurred during my infamous stay at the Renaissance Schaumburg.
The Baker Street Babes were honored to be invited to the con as special guests, and thoroughly enjoyed our live podcast with emmagrant01, and could not have been more thrilled by meeting fellow Sherlockians whose cosplay, commentary, questions, support, and enthusiasm were incredibly inspiring.
That being said, some might have heard that Dashcon experienced a few technical glitches in their execution of the convention itself. After charging their legit ticket price of $65 to people who flew from Australia to be there (I physically talked to those nice people, they were sobbing in a hallway thinking the con was about to be canceled, true facts), and then holding a $17,000 charity prom to save injured dolphins, and then nurturing the sick dolphins in a ball pit, and then offering a chance to swim with the dolphins amongst said balls, because Welcome to Night Vale had to rush off to attend to another dolphin-related emergency, my hotel bill was initially charged to my credit card despite the fact they offered to pay for our stay there.
It became clear after Dashcon published their clarification of events as they unfolded that I incurred “incidental charges that are not in [Dashcon’s] jurisdiction to make public.” This is true, and I hereby issue a public apology explaining exactly what these charges entailed:
—dolphin-related emergency funds
—porn, because I was at a Tumblr conference, so obviously I have no idea where to find a website that might offer me porn free of charge? Can anyone help me find a website, possibly with a dash, that offers porn? If Tumblr users could please assist me in finding porn, which is elusive, I would be so grateful
—three male and two female prostitutes, all of whom I forced to wear deerstalkers they had to call “ear hats”
—a metric asston of alcohol (this part would be true if you think five or six drinks qualifies for a metric asston)
—an extra hour in the ball pit
—a private detective who I instructed to look for my sanity
—dry cleaning because I spent an hour with the dolphins in the ball pit, and I was accidentally wearing a silk cocktail dress because I don’t plan things very well ahead of time
—huge amounts of cocaine, but not for me, for the dolphins
—you can put prostitutes on the room charge, right? Cause I added moar prostitutes
—a new cell phone for Megan Eli, organizer of the con, whose phone sadly didn’t work at the time when everyone else’s phone was working, and whose phone is still broken, because she hasn’t called me back to explain what happened, so I anticipated that, and charged it to the hotel
—two dolphins to call my very own
—a gratuity for the brilliant hotel staff
—a barrel of rum
This concludes my public apology, and I would like to thank Dashcon again for having me. Putting all those charges on the room was unacceptable behavior, and…well, mea culpa. As people say when something is their fault.
I’ve been commissioned to “write a book” by my neighbor’s 7 year old. I told her she had to give me a main character, what that person wants, and a setting. My next book (she has requested it “not be a chapter book”) will therefore be about a girl who wants a dog, set in a treehouse.